Beauty, Prowess, Success, Fuck You: Baby Daddy Sues Baby Mama For Ugly Baby

It took a few years to hit failblog.org and get everyone talking about the  gene pool injustices we face. And it took me even longer to actually sit the fuck down and type at you about it. I've been busy.

For those of you even more behind the times than I am, all of the copied and pasted articles say the same thing; Chinese guy has a beautiful wife and they make a  fuck ugly baby. He's pissed. She admits to $100,000 in plastic surgery. He sues her for false pretenses, and wins.

The reactions range from "Fuck ya! True dat!" to "Monster!!!". And while I'll agree it's shitty to think your kid is hideous, I'm so humourless about reality that I'll break it the fuck down for those of you who don't understand the power of the survival imperative inherent in all living things.

Adapting is a survival mechanism. But it's the long road. And she's treacherous. The path of least resistance is to be ready, rather than having to change to suit whatever factors may be in play. Laziness is a form of energy conservation.

When we're talking about loin fruit, it's no different. Nobody hopes and prays to make a baby with Down Syndrome or partially formed extremities or any other number of realistic outcomes that will create a life that's ultimately a lot more difficult, when you throw the swimmers in the petri dish of her cervix. Quite the contrary, we're all hoping our kid is going to be the next Einstein or overpaid sports guy or President/Prime Minister?Dictator, Prom King/Queen, valedictorian, popular, "All American" Awesomeness.

Probably a lot of that comes from ego, as in "Look what I made!" Haha, fuck you. It's a gamble and you got lucky. Then the kid did it up, not you, no matter how much loving support you provided to enable little Johnny or Suzie to be anything s/he wanted. Even if it turns out to be afflicted with the stupid, spoiled whore syndrome so prevalent these days (Male or Female, we don't discriminate here).

Back to my original diatribe. There have been tons of studies* about attractivity and perception. I'm not being a dick when I explain why everyone is shallow (and if you're being honest, you are willing to admit that you fall into that "everyone" group). I'm just explaining why everyone is shallow. Three sexy syllables: Survival.

We're shaved monkeys with car keys. Animals, bitches. Fucking simply means survival. Being attractive means a better success rate in that survival game. It's hard-wired into our subconscious wheelings and dealings. Robins and lions articulate it differently than we do but for as smart as we think we are, we're highly programmable. Just look at how the media exploits our survival instincts to peddle crap we don't need or want, until we see the commercial and then we "hafta have it". It's even been boiled down to a simple idiom "Sex sells".

It's why we pick the prettiest looking fruit, and the prettiest looking baby daddy/mama. Survival of the fittest equates to more survival. Healthy has a better chance of survival. And there is an unconscious association with healthy and beautiful, because of the implied success. Whether you're talking about the offspring or it's producers. Baby critters can rarely survive if the mama critter dies off from being too weak to bear the strain of offspring production. In the human world, it means Daddy needs to bring the bacon back to the cave so Mommy can keep the survival thing going. Cuz it's not all about ego and personal survival, there's actually a whole species fighting for life in our basest motivation centres. We let ego distract the piss out of us because we're stupid and programmed. But the reality is, if you're gorgeous you have more access to bacon. And better teeth to chew it with.

Chinese Baby Daddy who sued his formerly fuck ugly former wife, and won, based his case on the "beautiful advantage" of increased success at survival. Presumably, the ruling was based on the inflation rate and the cost faced by the little girl to become socially acceptable in appearance when she reaches adulthood. Or maybe the judge figured that's how much tequila it would take to console the guy's ravaged soul. 

Really, whether it was an ego motivated lawsuit because he felt like a failure as a man in producing such a troll of a baby or sincerely based out of his desire to see his little people survive and thrive, who fucking cares.

The false pretenses claim, in this instance, is so legitimate that I can't believe there is any discussion about it at all. He thought he was going to make a kid who'd have more advantages than some of the others swimming in this gene pool. Based on his wife's hotness, and presumably he had some good genes going on, too, because hotness tends to hook up with hotness.

I saw a copied and pasted version of the most common version of the article with the title "Are push-up bras and make-up false advertising, too?", or something very close to that. Fuck yes, they are. But so are all clothes, when it comes right down to it. We all know the skinny guy trick of wearing two t-shirts to appear bulkier. Cosmetic dental surgery, laser eye surgery, and a host of other things that are now "normal". 

I stole this.

I've been bitching that push-up bras are false advertising since their inception. Makes every woman look like she has tits as nice as mine. It's a lowest common denominator adaptive measure. Because most of us don't acknowledge that we are entirely fueled by "how to fuck" motivations. And it's the reason men so love their penises. It's the one thing they can grasp (See what I did there?) about this survival shit, and they hang on to it (And again! I can go all day...) for dear life... get it? Survival, "dear life"...

So, most of us aren't very evolved, whoopty shit, it's not news. We're evolved enough not to hump on each other's legs and sniff asses in public. But we really haven't moved up from that too much. When bitches bitch that men are all about getting laid, it is true. On the most basic levels. And these kinds of women focus on that one piece of the puzzle because we are trained to view sex (survival) as dirty and wrong. Also because most men are operating from the most basic fundamental survival instincts so it really is just blind lust for the most part. 


Honestly, I'd say bitches should be flattered by a man bitch's attempts to baby batter her, but we all know there are a million swimmers in every ounce of come because with sperms it's a numbers game. And the stereotype that "men will fuck anything" didn't come about from fiction. Same reason strawberries have so goddamn many seeds. Those delicious little fruits are pretty serious about the suvival game.

The most unfortunate outcome I perceive of all this lack of evolution is that beautiful, thoughtful people are producing fewer loin fruits and the "stars" of the Jerry Springer stage continue to breed like rabbits. But knowing what we now know, that we're all just fucking animals, literally and/or figuratively, we can perhaps avoid the neanderthal behaviour whenever possible. Or, at the very least, avoid breeding with the neanderthals.


If you're getting some today, for breeding roulette procreative efforts or to enjoy your body like the fucking amazing temple it is, bottoms up... let's all hope all that acid and coke really didn't fuck up the chromosome inks too too much.

p.s. Here's a little quotepedia to help with my passive-aggressive attempts to relay the idea that if you're unfortunately composed physically, you have next to no chance of success in meeting your desires to be bangin' the physically appealing crowd.

*Body odour

Main article: body odor

A number of double-blind studies have found that women prefer the scent of men who are rated as facially attractive.^[37] For example, a study by Anja Rikowski and Karl Grammer had individuals rate the scent of t-shirts slept in by test subjects. The photographs of those subjects were independently rated, and Rikowski and Grammar found that both males and females were more attracted to the natural scent of individuals who had been rated by consensus as facially attractive.^[38] Additionally, it has also been shown that women have a preference for the scent of men with more symmetrical faces, and that women's preference for the scent of more symmetrical men is strongest during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle. Within the set of normally cycling women, individual women's preference for the scent of men with high facial symmetry correlated with their probability of conception.^[39]