Search This Blog

Monday 6 August 2012

Curiosity Killed The Cat: DTF That Guy

Bobak Ferdowsi's Plenty of Fish profile is blowing up by now. He's hot, he's fun, he's smart, he's all of a sudden famous, and damn, look at those lips!

Why am I 75% prepared to fuck some strange man with a fruity haircut? Well, firstly, it's more like 92%. I know it's 100% but to appear realistic, I left the window open 8%, just in case our pheromones don't mix well, or he finds  my jokes lame, or we have wildly opposing sexual preferences.

I'm definitely DTF that guy!
In No Particular Order, Top Ten Reasons I'm DTF Bobak But Won't Give You The Time Of Day:


10 - I don't wear a watch, I honestly have no idea what time it is. Or which day, month or year we are currently living.  If you were born much after  January 1, 1982, you're too damn young for this kitty cat.

9 - I don't care all that much about Curiosity, The Space Event, but I'd bet a pile of American dimes fabricated before 1965 that Bobak's all about Curiosity, The Frame Of Mind. I'd fuck him just to find out if he's as curious as I think he might be. For the conversation or the actual sexperience, both are always more fun with a curious cat.

8 - I don't care that much for titles/roles (my bitches gave me shit for ten minutes for noting that our gas attendant was hot), but discipline is hot. Consistency is trustable. Deeply trustable becomes deeply fuckable in the caveperson centre of the brain. Inconsistency inspires a friendly postcard from wherever I move on to. Bobak is disciplined as all fuck if he is where he is in the Nasa machine, but it doesn't matter which team he is playing for, he's set for life for consulting gigs. In the world of orgasms, it can definitely mean he will get the job done.

7- I don't care much for bling and things, just more shit to clean but aside from the financial security,  consultants have a lot of free time. Ultimately that amounts to more orgasms.

6 - I don't go in for aloof jerks, it's too much work and not enough fun in the long run. His concentrating face shows just how much emotion reaches that pretty face of his. No poker with this new fuck buddy, just the way I like it. The pleasant expression goes far in convincing me that communication would be just as open and honest. Communication makes sex better. It's not a secret.

5 - I don't go in for much "time killing" but I do get off on the focus required to be productive, and effective. Work hard, play hard. Orgasm harder... is there some way I can work "Hurry! Hard!" in so that I can loosely associate this enough with athletics to be able to honestly tag the Olympics in some vague attempt to seem to be keeping abreast of current events... is "focus" a repeat? Must be that important, eh?

4 - I don't have a "type", unless "hot" is a type, and Bobak is absolutely one hot specimen of the human male variety. In an entirely different way than Daniel Tosh, who is also hotness personified. He has balanced features, his nose is great leading me to believe that he has a great voice, for talking dirty. And those lips, my god, the adventures I'll have biting those lips. With both sets of teeth.

Mustache Rides
Sign up sheet:
*________________
*________________
*________________
*________________
*________________
(This photo is only slightly less odd and creepy than the disembodied cock shots y'all be sending out. Just sayin'.)

3 - I don't have much nice to say about dirty hands, especially if you expect to touch me with them. Clean your goddamn nails. Seriously, if you ever want to touch a vagina, trust that she is looking at your hands when making that decision. Office jobs usually mean soft hands, and Bobak seems to have a beautifully crafted everything, so I'd be surprised if he had ugly hands. By surprised I mean devastated... that's how important hands are to the female fantasy world. And just because I am taking this Bobak fantasy to the very edge of that retaining wall that keeps reality in place, I am assuming he has a perfect dick to go along with the rest of his very fine self. And he smells amazing, while we're taking it all the way.

2 - I don't go in much for out of shape as far as body types go. I tried it once, and neither dumpy, nor doughy is my cup of  cooking sherry. Bobak looks fit as fuck for a desk job minion. Fit enough to fuck? Yes, that, too. No fat on his face and his neck is super, too. His shoulders look cut under his sweater, or the layering fell conveniently in all the right places. Layering? July? People who wear sweaters in air conditioning don't have body fat to spare. Or he just likes to be comfortable. I am all over comfort. All over it like his perfect dick.

1 - I don't go in much for the patriotic displays, but something about the contrast of a male partner who uses more cosmetics than I do is really hot. His fruity hair is actually pretty subtle, considering. But it makes it pretty clear that he is confident as fuck... and by now you should have guessed that when a chick sees a confident man, she hopes that means he's a confident lover, too. That's why confident guys get the booty. And it's actually true that a confident demeanor follows into the bedroom about 94% of the time. Sometimes it's just a matter of different sexual flavours, other times they just really don't know how to fuck. It's a pity those times.

Confident, attractive, healthy, flamboyant, smart, interesting, those fucking lips... what's not to love about Bobak... 

Can I just point out the double standard for a second? Men objectify women sexually all the time. Even Hillary running against Obama came down to her being a chick and what she was wearing. But somehow when I make Bobak and all my other my other pieces of meat available to you in the same way, it's "weird"... Just sayin'.

My bets are, again, on him being a Gemini. And yes, for those of you paying attention to this ongoing conversation, according to Wikipedia, Tosh is, too, just as I'd guessed.





9 comments:

  1. Reading this was five minutes of my life I'll never get back. This is dribble, and a rambling rant about what turns on an over sexed pretentious cougar.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lmao, or you're just pissed because this article points out all of the reasons you have no chance with hot, confident and sexually liberated ladies. I'm simply answering the questions posed to me, no pretentions but those which you project because confidence in a lady actually scares the shit out of you, "Anonymous".

    You can request of my readers to ask more poignant questions, I would appreciate it, too, and I will certainly discuss the mechanics of sexuality in great detail if it comes up but sex is more fun than the mechanics, so I have fun with all of it. For the record, THIS is dribble: http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/lady-gaga-nipple.html

    Maybe you missed the end of the article where I pointed out that I was mirroring a male approach to sexuality with this objectification of Bobak, or maybe you missed the part about this being a chick's point of view on dating and relating. No need to read any of it if you care nothing for the subject, but if you put your ego away for a second you just may learn something that will improve your boning game, by paying attention here. It's definitely been true for the non-chodes who've taken the time to question their M.O.

    I genuinely hope your day, and life, gets better and I feel sincerely sorry that your filters so limit you, there's a whole world out there just waiting for you to discover it! I've even written about that, too... http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/disclaimer.html and some more on the subject, though probably all too indirectly for you, at this stage of your game http://donorsforboners.blogspot.ca/2012/08/pics-nsa.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. Also, I think you meant "drivel"... the whole goddamn blog is drivel, what would you prefer to read?

    ReplyDelete
  4. You put a lot of effort into replying to two sentences of trolling.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I Heart Trolls... so says my bumper sticker!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Trolling aside, I'm surprised you haven't used him as story fodder yet! (or haven't you?) Maybe he's smuggled a button to his console at Mission Control that controls something a little more personal than a robot spacecraft umpty million miles away. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. that whole blog seemed to be written by a guy thinking he can pass as a sexy woman.. well even as a woman he fails. now I am not knocking you for having a crush for another guy, but most of your blog doesnt even make sense. and only men use % that much when writing. women dont care about % unless they work for FOX. so sad you need to spam craigslist to get viewers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lmao, I will share a picture of my period to appease your morbid curiosities about my sex organ.

    Lmao, so much at your silliness. I'm just mirroring, baby. This is a male approach to marketing. And it worked, 'cause you showed up. And got so into it you had to try to be be insulting with the FOX bit. Good one! Thanks for being proof that the system works!

    LML

    ReplyDelete
  9. Also, I love Craig's List and you should shut your dirty mouth about honesty in advertising. I'm one of few who are honest in my ads, and one of the few real women on his list in general. You should thank me, mofo.

    ReplyDelete