True Story, with Pictures

I wanted to settle some rumours about this whole thing. And I know that pictures tell the real story for many of you, so I threw some photographs in, too.

1) I am Canadian, eh! For the most part, Canadians use British English spelling. That's not news... I didn't think it was. Just ask Wikipedia, I ain't lyin'. To address a different rumour: We're not all "sexually liberated" here. Plenty of prudes in the mix and husbands too afraid to leave their frigid asses, but perfectly willing to fuck around. Another entry, another day.

This is a serious problem!

2) Imma Writa, Notta Model... sound it out, foe-net-ick-alley. So clever in it's simplicity, apparently. If I wanted to be a fucking camstar, I'd have built up a following for that. I'd be "rich, Biotch" and probably have died already, when my sports car went over the edge of a cliff while I was driving too damn fast. So, if I've no interest in being a common sex entertainer for money, why do you think I'd wanna do it on a volunteer basis? Do I seem that altruistic? Thanks, that's a nice compliment, Motherfucker.

3) A blog isn't a porn hub. Sure, these days some people are using blogging formats to post stolen media (often involving naked ladies) but "blog" generally refers to "written content", though there are other distinctions, easily identified by their additional words, i.e. "art blog"... once again with Wikipedia, specifically the third and fourth paragraphs. I know it's devastating to shake your preconceptions but "Bitch please, I ne'er once promised you a rose garden. I promised a blog and I fucking deliver!"

Isn't "ignorance",
by it's very definition,
'rejection of the unknown'?
Ya, it is.
And you're still a dumbass!

The Internet is about as "dirty" as it gets.
In the sequel,
her white horse falls in a mud puddle!
Dirty!!

There are a lot of substances you shouldn't use as a  Personal Lubricant...
Just sayin'... about a lot of things.

4) At the very minimum, I have clearly stated, 18,000 times:

a) This is a mutherfuckin' writin' resume, of the most creative variety. If you're not entertained, that's thoroughly your problem, the rest of usare having a great time, up in he'.

b) Since it's free, I offer a full money back guarantee if you don't get a laugh or a boner.

c) I am, indeed, one of those assholes peddling a (free, see ^) product on dating sites, 'cause I figure people who are looking for sex might have an interest in reading about it, too. (And the interactivity is kinda the whole fucking basis of this blog, though that's redundant to point out because blog implies interactivity, based on what we learned from Wikipedia two minutes ago.) Just like the Pro Hoes Logic that a certain number of people looking for booty are willing to pay for booty but unlike the Pay For Play goddesses, I'm honest about it the whole time. Just 'cause you don't wanna hear it doesn't mean I wasn't clear.

d) The chances of you actually kissing my ass are probably more rare than a talking dog.

e) I am a bitch. Again, with the hearing what you'd prefer not making it true... (see ^)

f) It's fucking entertainment, or Fucking Entertainment... designed to help your pirate treasure increase by leaps and bounds. But that requires actually getting over the idea that your attraction to another person means it's mutual. Otherwise known as being honest with yourself... it's tricky if you're a liar. Habits are a bitch to break.

g) I cannot fucking believe that you claim to love fucking yet have learned nothing at all about it since you started all those many years ago... Here's a starting point: Porn isn't real, just like action movies aren't real.

h) A little critical thinking goes a long way, no matter what you're doing... "Pirate Treasure" is another term for "booty".

This is the truest statement you'll ever encounter on my blog.
EVER.
...You can't possibly still be wondering why I don't want to hang out,
let alone "date" you... It's a picture, dammit, I thought you liked pictures.