Simple Town

"Every picture tells a story, don't it?"

Sometimes it helps to read the words in, beside, under or around the pictures.

Just sayin', it is all laid the fuck out, clear as a perfectly cloudless day.

Wherever you found me, my profile looked a little something like these...

I advertise as a word peddler.
Every profile leads directly to
the words you're reading right now.
Honesty in advertising is a bitch.
I am upfront,
but 'cause a lot of other folks
are trying to play some shit,
you shit on me? Haha!
Because I was honest?
That just makes you a jerk.
...Kinda proves the point
that people are
fucking assholes on the Internet.
Fuck me, man!
I'm such an asshole,
I made a whole blog about it ;)

I took great liberties with
very literal interpretations of
this popular site's name.
But it only requires reading a bitch's profile, y'see.
A number of people have figured it out
so I know it ain't "too" clever in it's simplicity.
There's a fucking link to the blog,
everywhere I go...
I AM looking for adult friends but
my definition isn't as limited as yours.
My e-mail signature suggests Googling me,
that's literal, too.
I advertise the shit outta these words,
Google knows about me.
Google knows everything...
Everything!

It's all the same shit, leads back to "read my blog, mofos"! Katt Williams probably said it best, "Keep tryin' shit and tryin' shit. Won't work! Tryin' shit and tryin' shit...", about the tiger, in a zoo. I'm a bit of wild cat in a zoo m'self, I can certainly relate.

He missed my profile.
It's common.
He made it all the way into the pictures,
failed to read the captions,
and plundered on to infamy,
by way of my searing pen...
I guessed he missed this, too ;)

Seriously,
I'm just a chick on the internet.
This is what it's like when you have boobs
-lady boobs-
and step into the...
would "Lion's Den"
be too charged an image?

This dumbass is pulling double duty,
I'm certain he's graced these web pages already.
If I could remember where I talked about this most popular male fantasy
I'd include the link
but I can't so fuck it, here's another.

What was I saying about how common it is to not check out a bitch's profile? You know what happens if you act like a stupid twat at a strip club, a place designed purely for titty appreciation in tandem with gyrating hips? You get bounced. Civil conduct is civil. Period.

How's about I explain what a "brand image" is for a second. Let's start with the fact that both words are needed to convey the concept effectively. "Tide" is the "brand", the very recognizable logo they use is the "brand image". Am I not speaking your language? ..."Playboy" is the "brand", the bunny is the "brand image". Therefore, I got words, about smutty good times, delivered from the persona known as "Imma Writa", and the fine set of cleavage on display is a visual device to alert readers that it isn't "for work reading". Makes for the "hold the pen with my cleavage" bit, too.

Notice how you recognize the cleavage shot, no matter where you find me? It's on purpose, because I thought about this whole thing before I went and killed a lot of time on the Internet. My experience killing time on the Internet is what brought us all here today. "They" say to "write what you know". I know about writin' but admit it, it's not as exciting to read this shit as it is to read the erotica... The fact that it could be a million girls is part of it all. I could be almost anyone. It can give us all hope for the human race...

Ya, it's washed the fuck out on Facebook but that's because of all my experience on the motherfucking world wide web, I know that it's easy to get flagged as a terrorist on Facebook, with misunderstood images being the prime target of many a prude. Also, for "for real" Facebook users, it might be awkward to explain to your friends and family why you're Facebook fraternizing with a mouthy decollete. So, unless a person is really looking, which I guarantee your stalkers are, it looks like quite an innocuous profile as far as the Facebook Gestapo, or your creepy associates, are concerned. 

It is fairly innocuous, despite my overuse of the word "fuck" in light of relatively little fucking. Reminds me of a story about drugs...

<Some people just don't get it. At all. While others> understand that a chick writing about smutty good times in our society needs to take a number of precautions to avoid stalkers and being typecast as a "dirty slut" 'cause I write about fuckin' to build an audience more quickly than... a lot of other things with far fewer numbers of onlookers. 


Everybody loves fuckin'. Hence "Sex Sells". I've taken advantage of that adage in my wordsmithing adventures here. Just like the "Be 18+ or go away for a few years" message I tweet so very often, I can and will continue to throw down, "Imma Writa" in as many ways. 

Some people get it, some people don't. Some people get it and try anyway. Just in case? Some people might get it if they're exposed and learn to read a profile. I could go back to writing word porn if I didn't have to keep teachin' a fucker to use the Internet. (Psst, click the blue words. They'll take you places known as "not safe for work".)

Still doesn't matter what the fuck I look like, but if you are desperate to know, your opportunity lies here. 

As always, the conclusion is: If you know that it's "work", and also know you don't wanna do the "work" to get a chick in your bed, but that you still really want a chick in your bed, hire a pro. It's what they're there for. Easy peasy. Doing shit to make your lady friend comfortable and feeling good so she will reciprocate on your dick should be a delight, or you're fuckin' the wrong chick.