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Thursday 17 January 2013

What's Your Fetish?


This one is also known as Reviews From The Nut Gallery FORE. Here are the first three

So, here I am, writing my ass off and everyone keeps asking what my fetish is. I'll be the first to
admit that I am a little dense at times but what isn't clear about the fact that I have a word fetish? If this were a face to face conversation you'd see the look of sheer confusion that rides my face when I consider this riddle... Communicating, connecting, processing, expressing... pick a word, I know lots of them if none of the above are quite clicking for you yet. WRITER. Maker of stories, sharer of knowledge and information... WRITER.

Here's a picture... stolen.
Here's a picture.
So, I'll keep explainin', in different words... Jus' like I' been doin', since day one of this project. (June 17, 2012 for those of you taking notes.) Nobody but nobody is going to find a blog about kittens in bicycle baskets... so I went with the idiom "sex sells". The fact that there is way too much misinformation out there plays into it, too.

I like sex. I bet if you're honest, you're willing to admit you like it, too... and the general consensus seems to be that everyone wants more. So, here I am, doing my part to fulfill an established need, in giving you the very information that will help you succeed. Fucking poetically I might add. Like a plumber fixes pipes or a chiropractor cracks backs... right? Are we on the same page still. Words, that's my deal. I can string 'em and I can fling 'em, and you keep coming back for more.  That's awesome that we're all having a good time but a bitch gotta eat.

Here's a picture.

Here's a picture.
Yep, I built a crowdfunding campaign... so we can all be satisfied. I'm a mover and a shaker like that, coming up with answers and solutions. It's how you found me in the first place. And because I've learned a lot about marketing through Donors For Boners, I was all over it as soon as it launched. Asking for feedback, sharing, contributions, or any other input anyone I know might be willing to offer. Still clearly making it known that I'M A WRITER, as has been the case all along. Right now, I'm laying down proof on my claims that I can write about anything, even fundraising enough money to keep writing... again and again again, because repetition works. Sorta...

Here's what the nut gallery has to say about it all:

Would you look at that, another picture... A writer is prolly gonna take things "got pics?" quite literally, quite often... like that time I wrote that debut movie for YouTube


This friend is a writer who doesn't. No judgements, I know lots of artists who don't produce. Meh, I'm not one of them. Will somebody please do a word count of the blog and figure out how many pictures worth of original content I've spit out here? 1000 words per picture as the saying goes.

Anyway I'd asked for feedback on the campaign and I've laid it out straight as it was delivered and then re-presented it, having highlighted some parts of the inboxer to show you how my brain works to break down the things people say. Because I keep hearing that you want to know ME... which is exactly what happens when you read the blog. 

Regardless of the reasons for presenting the unmistakeable illustration of the  perception my brain gets up to, the "how"s are partly involving empathic listening, and the rest is this obsession - FETISH -I have with understanding how language operates and what it expresses, how people use language... just read it. Don't forget: I'm a writer (it really does mean a paragraph of prose often plays out like a poem...)

Is there anyway that you can simply charge people to read your blog ie some kind of membership thing? Doesnt have to be much? 

Or keep the blog but have a members area and this would have to include some pics cos people pay for that. Or certainly something 'worth paying for'. That sounds harsh, as if your writing isnt worth paying for, but people just want everything free. Does that make sense? Lots of people like reading stuff but they want to know who is behind it and after you get them going, which you have done, you have to reel them in but not make them feel as though they are paying for something - ie they are happy to pay for it. Also, the members area would have direct chat with you, you would reduce the amount you chat on the free part. people love to feel as though they are special....'she's got x thousand readers but i talk to her everyday and she replies to me!'.


The Nut Gallery Reprise by Imma Writa
 
Is there anyway that you can simply [charge people to read your blog ie some kind of membership thing? ignore the fact that I am ignoring the fact that you actually have a Save The Pen campaign on Indiegogo RIGHT NOW that is asking for a voluntary contribution of doesn't have to be much instead of charging everyone to access valuable information that should be available, so that I may suggest you go with a more traditional line of "sex work" that involves areas of expertise that you're obviously not interested in pursuing, like all those guys who say "ya, watch me jack off on cam and I'll read your blog" or "let's go for drinks, baby, I'll help you with your next story" or this guy]?

Or keep the blog but have a members area and  
this would have to include some pics 
cos people pay for that. 
Or certainly  
something 'worth paying for'
That sounds harsh, as if  
your writing isnt worth paying for
but people just want everything free.  
Does that make sense? 
Lots of people like reading stuff but  
they want to know who is behind it 
and after you get them going,  
which you have done
you have to reel them in 
but not make them feel as though they are 
paying for something 
- ie they are happy to pay for it. 
Also, the members area 
would have direct chat with you
you would reduce the amount you chat on the free part. 
people love to feel as though 
they are special....
'she's got x thousand readers but i talk to her everyday and she replies to me!'.

If I spend all my time chatting, who is going to write this shit? Trust me, I've tried to enlist other "writers", who can't edit, use proper formats or take work seriously... oh right, 'cause there is no budget to attract qualified talent. And Imma be gettin' paid first when there is. Then "marketing". When marketing succeeds and the self publishing efforts explode, I'll hire other writers to make money from that will enable me to hire more... That's how business works ya know. You get a product, the producers get a job...

Perhaps all y'all have neglected to notice the fact that the whole blog is based on human to me (also human) interactions. And maybe even the fact that I'm hard wired a little differently. Interactivity is kinda key to all of these screenshots and copy/paste conversations that compose this Blog of Booty Wisdoms. And my hilarious take on all of the interactivity that I've made lemonade with by being here to bring the noise in the first place. Life As A Chick On The Internet, it's just subject matter that I thought might be popular. A hunch that proven true according to Google Analytics.
And you should know by now that I don't give a single fuck if adults want to suck dick, dance naked on a stage, or insert multiple dildos into various orifices on cam, for money or fun. It's no different than a plumber or a chiropractor, people have their specialties but it doesn't matter how many dollars you throw at the lady on stage, you're not getting a blowjob or your car's engine overhauled, same deal with your dentist... so stop asking the writer to be anything other than a writer.

I invest the time required to know and I practice
The timeline invested to extract this information, AFTER having previously helped with the Friends with Benefits Quandary he'd been experiencing some time last year: 10 pm till about 4am.

I was multi-tasking so yet another hero cookie for me for being able to do more than one thing at a time. Took a goodly chunk of time to copy/paste it, cut out all the fodder and format it, too. Removing ANY identifying information is another of the roles I play at this here blog. I've extracted the crucial points, so you don't have to read between the lines, too. I admit, when I type in chat, I am lazy about proper language law. It's a fucking travesty, and it's only now so clear why people call me a bitch so often.
 
'nother picture.


OMG! Where have you been? Read your 2 most recent updates, but really? Where did you go?

busy surviving, you can't eat "wow, you're real good at words" lol

---GAPS

Nice! Writing will pay off for you, you have a talent. Many writers never get paid (as you know). It's the 1% that do.

---SOME NAME DROPPING ABOUT FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES

whores get paid, that's the point. sluts give it away for free, and amatuers lol

we must have some new material here.

lol I don't need new material, I need a publisher to see it

well, if 50 Shades can get published, we should do well.

---WE??? Really, what the fuck is this "we"... read the rest of the conversation if you think I'm stepping too quickly to the Little-Red-Hen-ain't-sharing-her-bread-with-you-muthafucka-cuz-errbody-got-a-cordia'-invite-to-throw-down-where-they-could-and-everyone-who-does-wins-the-bread-spoils

it's called a marketing team
selling ice to eskimoes is easy if you have the pitch
there's this idea that art producers can just turn it on and off at will, it just aint the truth
when I write I may go for 30 hours at atime, sleep 12, and repeat


---GAPS

so, self publishing, through a crowdfunding campaign
if I have resources I can hire the crack team myself
the internet changes the playing field for a lot of things, publishing is one of those industries

crowdfunding

---GAPS

crowdfunding

---GAPS

crowdfunding
 
so, how to raise capital?
stolen picture...
---How did I manage not to climb into the Internet and not choke a bitch... especially after his telling me that his "new thing" is listening, at some point in this ridiculous conversation.

if 10% gave in $10, etc, blah, blah = crowdfunding

so, how do you do it? how do you get published?

---WTF for real?? YOU SHARE THE FUCKING BLOG SO IT GOES VIRAL

self publishing

---Remember The Blog, that we're talking about right now??? My raison d'etre. The fact that you even know I exist... 

there are tonnes of platforms
sell pdf files online, or buy a printed copy that comes in the mail
use the blog to continue to build a warm audience
if 1% of blog attendees buy a copy of the book, etc. math

find an investor that 
True that!
believes in the product, and not the boobies. we still can't clearly establish if they are even yours...

there is no "investor"
those are the days of yore
the now of financing art projects is croedfunding
crowdfunding*
the only "investors" that came out of the wood work made it clear they wanted to touch my boobies AND they'd get a cut
that's not an investor, that's a creep

---GAPS 


I wish! If I knew what to do, i would already be doing it!

you should forward my blog to your buddy XX, I think he might have some good pointers on business building, shit maybe he'lll wanna invest
or actually have a helpful wordsmithing suggestion

---You may have noted that I'm starting to get a bit catty by this point. There are always signs before someone stops being poilte and just lays it the fuck out. Before walking away.

XX is a brilliant business man, he built GAPSGAPSGAPS built it into something big. You should talk to him.

foot in the door, bro
succesful people get all kinds of "hey, will you talk to me"
goes much farther on a referral


Yes, but he would, he's a believer. I'll be talking to him this week. He does not wade very far into the realm of public controversy.

---GAPS
 
too much bullshit attached to the content
everybody fucks but we sure can't talk about it
lol

---GAPS 


you went all negative on me...

lol, no, I'm just realistic
business plan, financing, execute the business plan, that's how she goes lol


---GAPS = I live in the "normal world", great job, no debts, I can't relate to working for nothing, can't you please just understand how hard my life is?)

I get a lot of offers for prostitution, not related at all to Imma Writa, actually the source of the the whole personna
can you understand how unsettling that is for a mind like mine?


---GAPS (growing up people only liked me for my money)

except that people don't assume you'll fuck them cuz you have money

true

---HUGE GAPS = blah blah, stuff and things

share the damn blog with your connected friends, you even said "find an investor that believes in the product, and not the boobies. we still can't clearly establish if they are even yours..."
everyone is so scared to share, for fear of admitting that they were looking for booty stimulation online lol

---GAPS explaining the obvious


WTF? I've exchanged all of 100 words with this fellow and he's willing and eager to share.

Ahhhh! Focus on the mad skills, not the controversy or the connection.

lol, that was YOUR advice

---GAPS


50 shades is very poor BDSM.

yep, I been sayin' it and sayin'

---Still haven't read it, still won't prolly.
I've been a sex educator since I was able to vote, I know shit about that world that scares people stupid
so I really have to laugh at these fly by 50 shades dreamers

---GAPS


fuck, you could even say you found my blog, or someone linked you and article so you found me on facebook and asked what the fuck? turns out I'm a genius w no connections lol
it's all marketing and politics

---GAPS

just saying I got writing work out of controversial content before Imma
Imma has a far more cohesive and connected base to work from
and far more content to show off my wordiness abilities
all in one spot
"booty, booty everywhere and nary a drop to drink", c'mon that shit is classic
lol


you clearly have a firm grasp of at least one of our official languages...LOL

---GAPS here we go ladies and gentleman, this is the juicy shit you're looking for about my personal life, though I'm sure you could give a shit whether or not Dr. Ruth was available for dates.

I'm so confused. I would have asked you to dinner months ago.


well, I am taken, with art
it's like being married to a drunk, it sucks, lol
so "taken" is easier than trying to explain what "unavailable" means

---GAPS 


FUCK! Nice guys do finish last!

---Wait? Are those the same "nice guys" who don't listen, no matter how many times you say "unavailable for your science experiments"? The same "nice guys" who won't share this blog in case someone else "steals" me, or cuz they might "look bad" for enjoying quality wordsmithing, and/or learning Booty How To secrets? The same "nice guys" who make "we" claims on the Little Red Hen's bread after proudly declaring they'd happily contribute nothing but would reallllly like the opportunity to distract her from her goals? Or is it the genuine guy who I'm totally gay for?

If this surprises you, you're not paying attention at all. It's a biorhythm calculation of human compatibility between me and a man who doesn't need to create problems about owning your partner either. Interesting shit biorhythms are if you're into math as well as words. Surprise, I'm a geek, I love math, too.


---GAPS

I'm pretty sure I got an "honourable mention" for my work with FWB.

---Awesome, you showed up, congratulations! Are we honouring people for feeding their children and walking their dogs now, too... the prize in figuring out that if you focus on the friendship instead of the booty, you may get some friends with benefits happening. Doing it once, just like eating lunch, doesn't mean you never have to do it again... read the blog already.

---GAPS

I'm just gonna go ahead and say "WOW", and can I take you for dinner, now that I am no longer respecting your boundaries? Because you are unattached.


---GAPS, do note that he has been honest about the lack of respect for my boundaries now that he has the idea I am not "owned" by a man. Not sure what's wrong with a regular no, for whatever reason but it's "nice" that he's being honest.


lol, just cuz I don't have traditional labels doesn't mean I am unattached

---GAPS


picture
... but you can't relate to me. You feel I am some sort of novelty, which I guarantee I am. simply the truth: Artists are different. And as appealing as it may seem to you, I am committed to making art. I've not a lot of interest in personal human relations. You've admitted that you have no leverage to offer, even in regard to info sharing, because it may reflect poorly on you. But say, "Ya, keep going, it's worth it, and somebody will come along and help you out because it is good, just not good enough to recommend and share so that maybe you could get exposed to the eyes that CAN and WILL give you the leverage you need to CONTINUE TO PRODUCE ART."

you even noted I hadn't been around to make entertainment... and cannot fathom connecting the fact that if I waste my time dating, I am always going to be hungry.


...doesn't mean I am available to people who want to notice how awesome I am but don't want to help. 

---That kind of "wow, I noticed you have great tits, and I've always said I wanted a smart woman, so we should probably fuck" attitude might work on kids in high school but I'm fairly sure we're not anymore.


Artists are most certainly different and interesting. You are correct that I can't relate, but I find it fascinating.
---AWESOME!! I've made it clear that I already know that. And what you can do. If you'd like to continue your anthropological experiment CONTRIBUTE to the campaign, or simply share the blog, and someone else might step up on everyone's behalf.




...picture

This conversation started with "your marketing campaign is working, g'on git spammer" "I found you on XXX and followed the trail to here but if you're just marketing your blog GO AWAY". I added the caps, that wasn't him.

I clearly and pleasantly explained that the blog is full of value that is designed to help you "get the girl" from a chick who has been there and done that and has turned the whole waste of time into something cool and fun and helpful. To which he responded with a bunch of bitter myths about "women". To which I pleasantly and clearly explained the truth of his myths (which I'll copy and paste here if we Save the Pen)and hand delivered appropriate links to this here blog, that supported the ideas I shared. And actually showed, through MY ACTIONS, every one of his statements was erroneous. This is what he said:

Some good points. I will get back to you in a month or so. 



stolen picture
So I said: Ah, thank you, but there're only 31 days left, and poof Imma is toast. Whatever is on the blog now will still be there of course, but this campaign to save the blog is simply a campaign to save the artist from starvation, so I can continue to be around to make more "good points" for total strangers, who benefit from my practical knowledge about getting laid. Pretty simple really, like busking online. So I can keep sharing my Higher Booty Score Wisdoms with all y'all for free, and give these little pep talks all over the fucking place. Again, for free. Inbox message= audience of 1 Blog=14000+ so these inboxers don't even help to let the world in on the little secret that I can write. 

---EXCEPT THAT I TURN THEM INTO THIS DELICIOUS BLOG... if we manage to Save The Pen together...
 
Regardless, best of luck with it. It's no secret that I actually do know how defeating it can all seem but I gotta stay alive. That's my only responsibility in this world, all the rest is nice to give if I have it but not necessary to survive. I spent 15 years making art no one wanted to support, I sure ain't gonna spend another 15 years making more shit no one is interested in, lol. The very least you could do it share the blog so someone else may step up and intervene on my disappearance from cyber space. No matter who contributes, we all benefit.

Peace.
This picture brings it round, full circle to the blog's inception.
This guy's number is posted on his profile if you're looking for a random fuck I can hook you up with digits!

Just like that time you thought I was making shit up because you'd never heard of crowdfunding, I'm not the only one saying this shit, I promise. Women Artists Still Face Discrimination

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